Category: Blog
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Maybe she thought I was a nurse?
I went on holiday. It was just seven days – in fact, we went both there and back via Addenbrookes, so in this respect it was just 6 days. And yet, I had forgotten just how fuck hard this is. I had convinced myself that Mum was fine, and very slowly on the mend. Maybe…
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Touching a coma
When life briefly stops and you find yourself in an idyllic location for some hours… The last few weeks have not been an improvement on the previous few documented in The day I tattooed a spider on my eye. The spiders have been mainly behaving themselves, I did have to take them to Addenbrookes eye…
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The day I tattooed a spider on my eye
Those who know me well will know of my obsession with Louise Bourgeois’ spiders. Was it taking it a step too far to get my very own spider, in the form of vitreous floaters, ensuring a wriggling spider image forever engrained in my sight?! It’s been quite the few weeks… As we arrived at Addenbrookes…
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The toilet is my favourite place
As I walked into the gallery the pictures on the wall gave nothing away. The silence not broken by brushstrokes. Nothing to process. Tranquil, almost transparent colours. Perfect structure. The tears cascaded down my face. I was home. I was complete. I don’t think I could have been less prepared for such an intensely emotional…
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How can I be a mother if I never gave birth?
How can I be a mother if I never gave birth? Exactly sixteen years ago, I was in labour. It’s not a terribly traumatic story. It’s not too long – 22 hours from waters breaking to meeting my baby. A pretty normal first labour. But the fallout and my feelings about pregnancy and childbirth still…
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Lack of Symmetry, my arse!
It confirmed to everyone. I was a fake. Mothers Who Make is an international initiative providing mothers and makers peer support. It has been a saving grace for me during the last four months. I have made connections with women I may never have met without lockdown. Women who understand the innate need…
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Passionate playing in the bath
Life feels pretty heavy here, how about you, wherever your isolation is? Writing has always been my ‘way out’ and, failing that, drawing. But both forms of creativity have failed to suffice in the past weeks and I have been floundering around for other ways to keep my mind distracted from its constant chatter,…
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Sexual politics and hot baths
Stairs have been my arch nemesis for several years. Not going down them, that was as easy to me as it is to you (assuming you are someone who finds it easy). But going up. I still stand at the bottom, looking with fear, and brace myself for the pain that will be involved. But…
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Thieves and tattoos
I’ve been reading a lot about writing recently, as well as trying to increase my reading of great literature. I need to write every day. See where it takes me. Maybe I’ll come up with some gems if only a sentence or a character. I think this is pretty much how I write already, I…
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Inquest and lesbians
This morning is hard and I feel quite empty. On Friday we received a date for the inquest of my late brother-in-laws’ death. In the back of my head, I knew this was coming, in the horrendous, blurry weeks after he died the coroner told us the inquest might take months. Dan died in…
Against the Dark 