Against the Dark

I went on holiday. It was just seven days – in fact, we went both there and back via Addenbrookes, so in this respect it was just 6 days.  And yet, I had forgotten just how fuck hard this is. I had convinced myself that Mum was fine, and very slowly on the mend.  Maybe…

When life briefly stops and you find yourself in an idyllic location for some hours… The last few weeks have not been an improvement on the previous few documented in The day I tattooed a spider on my eye.  The spiders have been mainly behaving themselves, I did have to take them to Addenbrookes eye…

Those who know me well will know of my obsession with Louise Bourgeois’ spiders. Was it taking it a step too far to get my very own spider, in the form of vitreous floaters, ensuring a wriggling spider image forever engrained in my sight?! It’s been quite the few weeks… As we arrived at Addenbrookes…

As I walked into the gallery the pictures on the wall gave nothing away.  The silence not broken by brushstrokes. Nothing to process. Tranquil, almost transparent colours. Perfect structure.  The tears cascaded down my face. I was home. I was complete. I don’t think I could have been less prepared for such an intensely emotional…

How can I be a mother if I never gave birth? Exactly sixteen years ago, I was in labour. It’s not a terribly traumatic story. It’s not too long – 22 hours from waters breaking to meeting my baby. A pretty normal first labour. But the fallout and my feelings about pregnancy and childbirth still…

  It confirmed to everyone. I was a fake.   Mothers Who Make is an international initiative providing mothers and makers peer support. It has been a saving grace for me during the last four months. I have made connections with women I may never have met without lockdown. Women who understand the innate need…

  Life feels pretty heavy here, how about you, wherever your isolation is? Writing has always been my ‘way out’ and, failing that, drawing. But both forms of creativity have failed to suffice in the past weeks and I have been floundering around for other ways to keep my mind distracted from its constant chatter,…